Let's get one thing straight before I start bashing away-- George Lucas used to be awesome. After all, the man brought us Indiana Jones, Willow, Luke Skywalker, and Princess Leia's Metal Bikini.
Unfortunately, someone turned off the idea faucet at Lucasfilm, ltd. Old Georgie hasn't had a good idea in nearly two decades. That's right, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade was 1989. All he's done since then is systematically destroy my childhood memories.
Remember the last time Star Wars was cool? I do too. 1999, the year The Phantom Menace came out. Before Jar Jar and an eight-year-old combined to ruin one of the greatest movie franchises of all time, Star Wars was awesome. It was nerdy for the uber-geeks, scored perfectly for the music aficionados, beautiful for the film snobs, and had a compelling story for everyone else. Then... you know the rest. Jar Jar. Hayden Christianson. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I don't want to talk about it anymore.
After making a kajillion dollars and tarnishing his legacy forever, George had one remaining hope in revitalizing Indiana Jones. (Sadly, I have no hope for a Willow revival. Plus, Val Kilmer really let himself go.) After Episodes I-III, I was giving him one shot. What did he do with that shot? ALIENS. freaking aliens. Game over, man. Game over.
Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull was el terrible, which I believe is Spanish for "the terrible." I have already written a lengthy rant on facebook detailing the film's numerous shortcomings, so I won't recount them here. I just don't have the energy to properly rage against this movie at the moment, it's all been sucked out of me like a mysterious communist mind control device has taken over my brain. I'll sum up Indy 4 by saying it was basically "Indiana X-files and the National Treasure writers search for more cash, but really only find a ridiculous deus ex machina while ripping off the Mummy." Ugh.
George Lucas--I'll never go see another movie that has your name attached to it. I mean that. I'll still treasure the original Star Wars and Indiana Jones trilogies along with your assorted hits from the 80s, but that's it. You're dead to me. You're more dead to me than Weezer, who manages to scatter at least a little greatness amongst the waste they keep foisting upon the masses. (Weezer boycott coming next week.) In short--I hope George Lucas drowns in all his money. Literally.
1 comment:
I plan to go see CRYSTAL SKULL for the third time.
You know, as much as I loved IRON MAN, I realized that it lacked any originality that I found in the fourth INDIANA JONES film. And I find it disturbing that many have failed to notice.
Post a Comment